In 2014 I lost two jobs in the space of a few months.
I found myself having moved back from Canada to England then to South Africa and suddenly at a loss for what to do next and where to go.
At first, I numbed the feelings of shame, not being enough, inadequacy, loss of control, and fear with alcohol and living in denial.
I spent a great deal of time shouting about how it was ok because I hadn’t really wanted either job anyway. That I wanted to move countries, that I didn’t care that someone else had made life-altering decisions on my behalf.
I pretended I wasn’t hurt by the rejection or by the lack of support.
I threw myself into living in the moment, into thinking about what I wanted my life to look like and what I wanted to fill my life with, to set my soul on fire.
The universe could have thrown me a bone and gently nudged me off the traditional path and onto the winding rebellious path of following my heart’s desire, in a slightly more comfortable way. But, looking back I realised there had been lots of signs, lots of occasions where I’d veered off but then forced myself back to living a life that looked how I thought it should.
Thanks to the universe, the big guy, the spirits guiding the way or whoever/whatever it is out there, in 2014 I finally stopped and listened.
This time around, I had no choice. I had to tune into the whisper inside me. I had to pay attention to what it was I really wanted to be doing, to listen for the drum beat and dance along with it.
I realised I’d always had an inkling to do whatever I want to do, to rebel against the idea that I’m not good enough. To work on my own terms on the things I love and care about. To make a difference, have an impact and change lives.
So I set about redesigning my life from working for other people and following their dreams always telling myself I’ll dedicate time to my own dreams later, to focussing on my own dreams now.
I embarked on an adventure to discover and tune in to my intuition and live the life I know I’m here to live.
💫 I followed my desire to make a change and started a social enterprise with nothing but passion and enthusiasm
💫 I followed my heart into an unexpected relationship
💫 I followed my knowledge that I’m here for more to deviate from a career I had spent years training for
💫 I followed my passion to impact others to a rural village in South Africa for my ‘dream job’
💫 I followed my sense of adventure into a nomadic life that took me around Southern Africa in a caravan for 3 years
💫 I followed my need for new challenges and change into #boatlife aboard a narrowboat in England
💫 I followed my drive to empower others and pivoted from the work I told everyone I did, the safe business I ran and threw myself out there to be vulnerable and go all in with coaching
Has it been easy? No.
Has it been fast? No.
Has it required inner work, determination and perseverance? You bet.
I tuned into the stories I had been telling myself; once I have more money, once I have more skills, once I have a better plan. Stories in which the people around me would be disappointed if I decided to do something other than what I told them I do. Stories in which everyone around me has just another reason to say “oh hell, what’s she up to now?” “last week she told us she was a teacher/project manager/web developer, what on earth does she think she’s doing now?” 📚
Stories that had been holding me back.
And in place of these stories, I leaned into the feelings of discomfort and fear, allowed myself to feel excited and adventurous for wanting to live life to the beat of my own drum and accepted that I don’t need to live the life other people choose to live.
Along the way I’ve got caught up in there always seeming to be a reason not to do the things I really want to do; fear of judgement, fear of failure, the timing not being right, the practicalities being too hard to overcome, the laundry needing doing.
I’ve got caught up in creating expectations and forcing myself down paths that aren’t right for me only to be disappointed, angry at myself and ready to throw in the towel when they aren’t met and I don’t make progress.
But in the process, I’ve realised these reasons don’t even matter.
I’ve come to realise that when expectations and stories stop you from doing what you want to do, from deviating or from following your own adventure regardless of what anyone else thinks, they aren’t beneficial. They are hindrances.
Because setting restrictions, following other people, and tuning out our intuition isn’t the point of life.
The point is that we get to choose 🎉
We get to do the things that light us up, that are playful and adventurous. We get to choose our dreams, set our goals and meet them/change them/ignore them as we wish.
We are allowed to live life to the beat of our own drum. We are meant to follow the ideas we have when we have them.
Through a mixture of conscious decisions and through circumstances I suddenly found myself open to, I have slowly been creating the life I have always wanted to live.
Now I live a life of location freedom, of working on my own schedule, of filing my days working with clients whose businesses and ideas I love as if they were my own.
I focus on my coaching business, on running a global business for Female Travel Bloggers and on relaunching my social enterprise.
And along the way, I have learned that at the core of my beliefs has always been this idea that our intuition always nudges us in the right direction, even though we often don’t realise it right away 🥁
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