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imperfectionsandreflections

A N X I E T Y - A S - A - F I R S T - T I M E - M

A N X I E T Y - A S - A - F I R S T
- T I M E - M U M

Anxiety as a new mum is being crippled with worry over making the wrong decision.

It’s over thinking whether a round play mat or a square one is ‘better’ and being too paralysed to make a decision.

And spending 20 minutes choosing which purée pouches will be best only to buy one of each. That’s after 20 minutes of trying to decide which vegetables you can’t fuck up as a purée.

It’s a crippling fear that she’s better off with anyone else than you because your anxiety makes her anxious. But then it’s countering that with the fear that no one else can love her like you do and that they do everything wrong. All the very things you’re telling yourself youcant do right.

It’s body wrenchingly sobbing into your pillow on a Wednesday afternoon because you feel like a failure.

And silent tears streaming down your face as you feed for the umpteenth time at 4am because you haven’t cracked her sleeping ‘well’
It’s making yourself feel sick with worry about how you and her will make it through the rest of time.
It’s living in a constant state of conviction that you’re not doing anything right and that everyone around you knows better.

Your nervous system jangling as your nerves struggle to keep you from the edge.

It’s living under the constant threat that the blanket of darkness will creep further and further in.

It’s the angst that given the choice, she wouldn’t choose you.

Anxiety as a new mum is exhausting, crippling and oh so very real
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#Motherhoodunplugged #newmum #mumlife #workingmumlife #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthformums #mumsmentalhealth #anxiousmum #narrowboatliving #narrowboatmum #thirtysomethingmum #thebeautifulreal #deeplyauthentic #honestlyparents #mytinymoments #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthformums #imperfectlyperfect #personaljourney #beatofyourowndrum #tuneintoyourintuition #mummybloggeruk #documentyourday #motherhoodintheraw #motherhoodrising #motherhoodandme #honestmotherhood

T H E - F I N E - L I N E Mental health is often

T H E - F I N E - L I N E

Mental health is often talked about in a dismissive, unhealthy way. Like, someone only has mental health problems. But, in reality, we all have Mental Health and, just like physical health, some days it’s better than others.

And this year? Well, 2020 has tipped many of us over the edge. The edge that we normally teeter on, the fine line between feeling ok or feeling any and everything else.

Until now we’ve taken for granted that we get up and feel ok without realising that the reasons we for that feeling are the familiarity of day to day life, the systems that we understand, the expectations that are met, the control that we have and the support that surrounds us, either knowing or unknowingly.

But this year we’ve suddenly found ourselves lacking control, familiarly, organisation. Our routines, habits, and everything that’s familiar have been stripped away leaving us bare. Leaving us alone and vulnerable.

Leaving us fragile.

We’ve been plunged into a new world with new considerations, new rules and new expectations. And that is enough to blur the fine line between ok and not ok.

If you’ve found yourself on the other side of the line to where you’re used to being, know that it’s not permanent. That you’re not alone. That it’s not a flaw, a sign of weakness or a sign that you need fixing.

Instead of using your energy to react to the world around you, think about what you need to regain balance, take control of the things you can control and release the things you can’t.

Give yourself a break from living in survival mode, indulge in some much needed self care and be kind.

Be kind to yourself and to others
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#Motherhoodunplugged #newmum #mumlife #workingmumlife #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthformums #mumsmentalhealth #anxiety #anxiousmum #narrowboatliving #narrowboatmum #thismumcan #mumtribe #thirtysomethingmum #thebeautifulreal #deeplyauthentic #honestlyparents #mytinymoments #imperfectlyperfect #lifebydesign #personaljourney #beatofyourowndrum #tuneintoyourintuition #oknottobeok #mentalstrength #mummybloggeruk #documentyourday #imperfect

Although there’s a shift towards more open conve

Although there’s a shift towards more open conversations relating to mental health, anxiety, stress and general wellbeing, and an increase in campaigns that shine a light on the fact that many of us simply aren’t ok, there’s still a missing piece of the jigsaw.

While the focus is on the speaker, there’s very little advice for the listeners, for the people that we as individuals, family members, colleagues and friends, choose to open up to.

So what can we do to ensure that someone we love and care about who chooses us to open up to and confide in, feels listened to and understood?

1 Be present 💫
Starting a conversation takes courage, opening up and sharing the fact we aren’t ok takes guts. And the only way to receive these conversations is by being present.

2 Use open responses to draw out the conversation 🗣
Rather than responding with your thoughts and opinions or with questions that close down the conversation, respond in a way that enables the speaker to continue to share, a way that prompts them to dive deeper into the conversation. Use questions that require more than yes or no as answers and always encourage them to ‘tell you more’.

3 Encourage further conversations 👂
Having just one conversation is unlikely to lead to a miraculous ‘recovery’ If someone has chosen you to confide in, ensure you’re checking in afterwards to see how they feel, to see if they need you to hold more space for them.

4 Create a safe environment 💕
Giving the speaker time to think and collect their thoughts enables them to feel safe, appreciated and supported.

5 Encourage tricky conversations 👥
In many cases, it’s likely you’ll know them well and have an inkling of whether the person you have just asked ‘are you ok?’ is actually ok or not. Trust your intuition.

6 Don’t expect the person to simply ‘get better’ ⛑
Acknowledging and sharing that we aren’t ok isn’t the same as telling someone we have the flu.

This years #WMHD2020 theme is tea and talk, whether it’s virtual or physical, we can all make time for tea ☕️

Full tips at the link in my bio 💻
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#worldmentalhealthday #worldmentalhealthday2020 #teaandtalk #timefortea #wmhd2020

S H A V A S A N A. My favourite part of a yoga cl

S H A V A S A N A.

My favourite part of a yoga class is shavasana at the end. Partly because it requires no balance/stretch, partly because it’s a reward at the end of hard work.

But mostly because it’s permitted time to stop.

Time to rest.

Time to do nothing.

And despite it being the ‘Corpse Pose’ it’s still requires effort.

Effort to still my mind, to relax my limbs, to calm my breath.

Effort to stay in the present moment and not immediately start thinking about everything going on outside the studio.

I’ve never been very good at giving myself time to pause thanks to an underlying belief that busy = worth. It’s something I’ve become more and more aware of, something I actively work on both during yoga classes and daily life.

Rest and space to exhale is something we all need, crave even. Especially in this shitshow of a year where we’ve become consumed with uncertainty, worry, anxiety, not knowing what’s happening to the world around us.

So, if like me, you need permission to rest, let this be your permission slip to find a way to fit a Shavasana into your day
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#shavasanatime #shavasana #yogainspiration #lockdownbaby2020 #motherhoodunplugged #mumlife #workingmumlife #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthformums #mumsmentalhealth #anxiety #anxiousmum #narrowboatmum #thismumcan #mumtribe #thirtysomethingmum #thebeautifulreal #deeplyauthentic #honestlyparents #mytinymoments #imperfectlyperfect #lifebydesign #personaljourney #beatofyourowndrum #tuneintoyourintuition #oknottobeok #mentalstrength #mummybloggeruk #documentyourday #imperfect

T H E - P E N N Y - D R O P P E D On a call with

T H E - P E N N Y - D R O P P E D

On a call with @mindfulmagicmovement mentors, we discussed our backgrounds, our why and ‘what we do’

As usual this stirred discomfort in me.

For a long time I‘ve felt pulled between a passion for supporting women and a nudge to go back to working with children. Often I put the nudge down to education being my professional background. But it’s a nudge just the same and I don’t like to ignore them.

This one has had me confused though - am I meant to be coaching and supporting women? Or am I meant to be teaching?

My passion for working with women comes from a desire to change the narratives we’re surrounded by. To cause a shift from thinking that we are broken and therefore need fixing to believing that we’re ok just as we are and are meant to feel all the feelings.

But my passion for teaching is innate, I always wanted to be a teacher. I always wanted to teach children with complex learning difficulties and do my part to even the playing field.

I’ve spent the last few years flitting around trying to find the common ground.

Today the penny dropped.

Yes, as adults we need to learn that we’re enough. But that’s because we didn’t learn it as children. We’ve grown up in a society in which we’ve been conned into thinking we aren’t enough, we aren’t pretty enough, clever enough, thin enough, rich enough, funny enough, brave enough. That we need to fix any emotion other than happiness as soon as it rears its ‘ugly’ head because anything other than happy isn’t good enough.

But how magical would it be if the next generations didn’t have to learn that as adults. If instead they grew up knowing they are enough.

Knowing on a deep, unwavering level that they are not broken and do not need fixing?

How magical would it be for Tillie to grow up understanding that she can choose to be and do whatever she wants, that she doesn’t need to appease anyone, doesn’t need to keep other people happy. That she’s here to rock the boat, to stand out from the crowd and to take up space. For her to be confident in that knowledge that she’s safe to be herself.

Not just Tillie, but the generations after hers.

And that mission? That’s my common ground

I bet you’ve made a promise to yourself that aft

I bet you’ve made a promise to yourself that after you’ve finished your To Do list you’ll take care of yourself.

Once you’ve looked after everyone else, you’ll make time for yourself.

And I’m sure you’ve made that promise over and over again.

The problem is that the ‘after’ never comes.

Instead of putting yourself ON your To Do list or making yourself a priority, you’re neglecting yourself.

You’re moving your self care further and further down your list of priorities. Probably because you feel guilty, feel that you’re not as important as everyone else, that you have too many other things to do to stop and catch your breath.

Until now.

Together we can make good on the promise you’ve made to yourself, not after everything has been ticked off but now.

Self-care includes all important ‘me time’ and that time can be filled with whatever it is that sets your soul on fire, with the things that you’re desperate to do but just ‘don’t have time for’

Join me each week for time that’s dedicated solely to you, to your self care, your mindfulness and your wellbeing.

Link for info is in my bio 💕
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#metime💕 #selfcare #wellnesslifestyle #wellnessblogger #maketimeforyou #maketimeforyourself #motherhoodunplugged #mumlife #workingmumlife #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthformums #mumsmentalhealth #anxiety #anxiousmum #thismumcan #thirtysomethingmum #thebeautifulreal #deeplyauthentic #honestlyparents #mytinymoments #imperfectlyperfect #lifebydesign #personaljourney #beatofyourowndrum #tuneintoyourintuition #oknottobeok #mentalstrength #mummybloggeruk #documentyourday

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