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imperfectionsandreflections

I T S - B E E N - A - L O T We, as a whole, have

I T S - B E E N - A - L O T

We, as a whole, have been through a lot in the last 18 months.

If asked prior to March 2020, many of us couldn’t have imagined the version of life we’ve actually been living, we couldn’t have predicted the challenges we’ve worked through, or the stressors and traumas we would have to face head on.

Our work lives, home lives, relationships, health, routines, and sanity have all been thrown up in the air and left to fall with the hopes we can catch the pieces before it’s too late. These changes have left us traumatised and stuck in a loop fighting to recover.

It’s no wonder that our tempers are frayed, attention spans are short, our nerves are in tatters, anxiety levels are running high, and tears are never more than an RSPCA advert away. We’re stuck between fight or flight, unsure whether we want to bury our head in the sand as the world opens up or run open armed down the road hugging everyone we see.

Now is the time to be gentle, kind and patient with yourself as you recover, process the traumas and begin to heal.

Today’s Love Note is for surviving a life we couldn’t have imagined.

If you’re battling the never-ending feeling that you’re not doing anything well enough, that you should have dealt with, fixed and managed your emotions by now and should just be getting on with things in this new world, head to the link in my bio for daily self care delivered straight to your inbox ❤️
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#butterfly #butterflies #imperfectlyperfect #inspireothers #lovenotes #oneyearoflovenotes #reflection #diary #grateful #gratitude #content #journal #lifebydesign #trustyourintuition #selfdevelopmentrebellion #personaljourney #oknottobeok #comebacktoyou #loveyourself #mentalhealthawareness #anxietyawareness #anxietyproblems #deeplyauthentic #thebeautifulreal

N A P - T R A P P E D Recently I’ve been ‘bus

N A P - T R A P P E D

Recently I’ve been ‘busy’

I spend the time it takes trying to get you to sleep (because it usually is something that takes effort) thinking about all the things I’m going to get done while you’re sleeping.

When I finally manage to get you to sleep, I try to make the most of my ‘free time’ to tick things off, get shit done and ensure I feel accomplished (you never sleep for long enough to get all the way through The List!)

But today calls for a moment.

Just you snuggled up on me, me not going anywhere or doing anything other than being here with you.

That’s the accomplishment ❤️
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#naptrappedandlovingit #naptrappedmama #naptrapped #naptimes #toddlersofinstagram #toddlercuddles #motherhoodunplugged #workingmumlife #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthformums #mumsmentalhealth #anxiousmum #thebeautifulreal #deeplyauthentic #honestlyparents #mytinymoments #imperfectlyperfect #personaljourney #motherhoodintheraw #motherhoodrising #motherhoodandme #honestmotherhood #beyondbirthpractitioner #newmumsupport #postivelyparentingtips #selfcompassion #motherhoodjourney #pnd #mentalhealthtips #therapistsofinstagram

M O T H E R S - D A I L Y - T U R M O I L

I can’t imagine ever not being your mum.
I wish I had my life back, the freedom and the lack of responsibility.

I’ve come home to myself since becoming a mother.
I’m rubbish at this mothering malarkey and am clearly doing it all wrong.

I don’t want this to be the last time I go through all the firsts, I definitely want another baby.
I 100% cannot ever go through this again.

I love playing and engaging with you.
How many hours until you go to sleep?

It makes my heart sing that you’re headstrong, adventurous and bold.
Why can’t you do what I need you to do?

I was made for being a mum and don’t want to go back to work, find more clients, do anything that takes me away from you.
Maybe you could go to nursery full time?

Those baby snuggles, I miss them. I defiantly want another one.
Fuck that, I don’t know how I’m surviving having one let alone two.

I can totally do this.
I can’t do this. Not in the slightest.

You complete me.
Being a mum drives me insane and makes me feel like I’m losing my mind.

I’m your mama and that’s all I need to be.
I’ve don’t recognise myself, I’ve lost who I am, who I was before you came along and I’d love to rediscover her.
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#Motherhoodunplugged #workingmumlife #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthformums #mumsmentalhealth #anxiousmum #narrowboatliving #narrowboatmum #thebeautifulreal #deeplyauthentic #honestlyparents #mytinymoments #imperfectlyperfect #personaljourney #motherhoodintheraw #motherhoodrising #motherhoodandme #honestmotherhood #newmamalife #beyondbirthpractitioner #newmumsupport #postivelyparentingtips #selfcompassion #motherhoodjourney #pnd #mentalhealthtips #therapistsofinstagram @herviewfromhome @motherhoodunderstood @mixing.up.motherhood @mother_truths @mothershipwriters

A few years ago I jumped on the self development b

A few years ago I jumped on the self development band wagon. I’d recently moved home and wasn’t feeling ‘successful’ I found myself following people all sharing the same message - that I needed to fix myself in order to be successful. I jumped into every self care course, freebie, and masterclass that I could find and afford (and some that I couldn’t).

I did All. The. Work.

But still nothing changed. There was no magical shift that meant one day I woke up fixed, good enough, and successful.

This led me into a dark spiral of believing that I couldn’t even do ‘the work’ right, that just like everything else, it was something I was doing wrong.

It took me a long time to escape this spiral. A long time and a lot of self kindness and compassion (as well as a lot of stern talking to as my fingers hovered over the buy button for yet another self development ‘tool’).

Slowly there came a shift. I was curious to dig down and explore what was going on in my subconscious level, to see what beliefs and thoughts I held about myself when I wasn’t trying to control them. To explore where these came from and in turn to heal old wounds.

Instead of being desperate to find out what was wrong with me and to fix it so that I could do / be better, achieve more and become successful, I was instead coming at ‘self development’ from a place of healing, a place of curiosity and kindness.

I gave myself permission to explore my subconscious instead of pushing myself to find reasons for my ‘failures’ and try to fix them.

I tuned out a lot of the voices I had given power over the thoughts I had about myself, to.

This week I found myself nodding along to a marketing email and before I knew it my fingers were hovering over the sign up now button. Of course I needed this course to better myself, to earn more money, this course that promised to dig up all my issues and heal them so I could be fixed and therefore better. Of course this was the missing piece.

Another stern talking to later, and I’m not signed up, the course tab is firmly closed.

Con’t in comments
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#innerhealth

R O O T S It’s been a long time since I put dow

R O O T S

It’s been a long time since I put down my own roots. In fact, last time I did, the Big U had other plans and threw me curveball after curveball until I took note.

I moved to Toronto, Canada and two years in I was convinced that’s where I was meant to be. I was in the process of permanent residency application and in a committed relationship. My roots were there in the city where I had made a home for myself.

Then, two weeks both my relationship and job ended.

I found myself having to leave the country with a suitcase of belongings and no plan as to what was happening next.

That was January 2014 and I haven’t put roots down since. In fact, I have actively avoided it.

I jumped on a plane to take a job in South Africa to heal my wounds on a new continent and soon found myself embracing #vanlife. Over the next few years I only spent a few weeks in one place, exploring South Africa, Mozambique, Zimbabwe and Botswana, fueling my nomadic soul and healing little by little as I got to know myself better.

This avoidance of putting down roots led on to #boatlife in England, 4 years of bobbing around and moving home every 2 weeks. No roots in sight.

Without realising it I was keeping a distance between myself and loved ones, always keeping a step away, trying not to tie myself back to people and places, even familiar, old and comfortable ones. My fear that at any point those roots could be snatched away from me too, took over. Life became isolated and lonely.

But safe.

Over the past 18 months I’ve increasingly felt a longing for security, to put down roots and to tie myself to my own little piece of the world. I’ve rekindled ties between myself and loved ones, the place that’s always been Home, the safe place I’ve always gone back to. And I’ve felt settled doing so, safe that it’s not going to all disappear.

Maybe the shift, the need and the longing came about as I became a mother. Maybe it came from my own healing, from making peace with the past and the ghosts. Maybe it’s just time.

Whatever the reason, here I am barefooted on land that’s my own.

Land that’s the perfect mix of adventure, chaos and drama mixed in with solidarity, comfort and peace.

M I D N I G H T The witching hour. The time I’

M I D N I G H T

The witching hour.

The time I’m beating myself up because I should have been asleep already - she’s bound to wake up any minute. But the peace is too good to want to sleep through.

The hour that means we’ve made to though another day, survived another 24 hours.

Midnight. The time of stillness, peace and solitude.

The hour that symbolises success and accomplishment and simultaneously invokes thoughts of relentlessness, of having to do it all again in a few hours.

The hour of confusion, the darkness emphasising my belief that I don’t know what I am doing, a time when the doubt creeps in even louder, the uncertainty, the questioning myself, the need to get it all right.

Midnight. Will she wake up any minute? Should I try and sleep before she wakes up? Will she be able to go back to sleep? The hour of uncertainty and limbo.

Midnight. The unsettled peace before it starts again.

I did a workshop with @mothershipwriters this week and this was one of the pieces to come out of it. I haven’t done something like that before and it was a great session that inspired a few pieces that are different to my normal musings 😍
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#Motherhoodunplugged #workingmumlife #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthformums #mumsmentalhealth #anxiousmum #narrowboatliving #narrowboatmum #thebeautifulreal #deeplyauthentic #honestlyparents #mytinymoments #imperfectlyperfect #personaljourney #motherhoodintheraw #motherhoodrising #motherhoodandme #honestmotherhood #newmamalife #beyondbirthpractitioner #newmumsupport #postivelyparentingtips #selfcompassion #motherhoodjourney #pnd #mentalhealthtips #therapistsofinstagram

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